Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down? –It was probably just light reading–
“This old pipe is rusty”, said Tom, ironically.
What to do if you are a dark cloud: uranium.
When someone leaves: they argon.
Essential element of politicians: tungsten.
Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 lite year
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1000 aches = 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 million microphones = 1 phone
1 trillion microphones = 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs =1 Fig Newton
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickels = 2 paradigms